My Baby's Father Comes From Neptune


Take Me To Your leader

“I haven’t seen you for ages, where have you been hiding yourself? Curled up in a love nest with some hunky man I suppose… Tiddles still being a good boy?”

I was never sure whether I should call her a friend or an enemy, but there were moments when Amanda could be a real friend, and moments when she could be a real bitch too. “Mister Cuddle-Bunch is fine thank you. He’s most likely sleeping on my bed right now, keeping it warm for me.”

“And is there a real man there too? One that hasn’t been… gelded”

She had both her hands leaning against the chair opposite. “There’s no other man sharing my bed at the moment.” I kept my eyes on hers, part of me wishing she’d move on and another part, a smaller part, thinking it would be good to talk.

“I’ll have to make a real effort to find you a man, what else are friends for.”Amanda gripping that chair back and pulling. She was settling down. “I better get a coffee before I start. You want a refill?” I nodded and she grabbed my cup and swept between the other chairs to get the order while I thought exactly how much I should tell her.

I remember you always like that extra sugar. Always had a sweet tooth, didn’t you.” Both cups on the table, Amanda settled down in her chair, determined to fix my love life, completely oblivious to the other patrons around and what they wanted. “Want a slice of cheesecake?”

The pain in my tummy was too much, and she saw my face. Now I was in for it.

“Cheesecake was your favourite, blueberry if I remember.”

The stabbing was worse, both my hands needed to hold my belly and try to soothe.

“Are you sick? You look terrible. Not serious is it? Is that why you’ve been out of sight so long? You need to tell me, us girls need to support each other.”

“I’m fine, just no food right now,” I said hoping she would think it was indigestion, but the way she was leaning closer across the table I didn’t think she would let it go.

“You’re not… You know…” She was looking directly towards where my tummy would be through the table. “You’re not expecting.”

I nodded a little.

“You dark one you. You kept that very quiet. Who is the lucky man. Tell me how you caught him - all the details too, keep nothing out. Do I know him?”

“You don’t know him.”

“How can you know? I know more people than you.”

“He’s not from around here.”

“Long distance romance, I love it. Internet lover, so now.” Amanda was leaning back in the chair. “What’s he look like, and when am I going to see him? You can’t keep him hidden away forever.”

“He’s from a long way away.”

“But you met him, and had time for quite a get together. Interstate?”


“That’s like a ship name. He was a sailor. Was he in uniform?” Amanda was leaning close, both her arms on the table.

“Sort of.”

“Well until he was doing the deed I suppose. Did he have a fancy hotel, or did he take you back to your place? Did Tiddles like that?”

“We did it on his craft.”

“The Neptune.”

“No. Neptune is where he’s from. I don’t know what his craft was named.”

“That’s a planet, isn’t it, like Mars and Pluto?”

“Neptune is the eighth planet from the Sun and is seventeen times heavier than the Earth.”

“So you’ve been studying up. So what do these Neptune men look like - All green and tentacles and one eye and… Well at least he must have had a dick, or did he do it with a syringe?”

“He didn’t use a syringe.”

“That’s a relief… I suppose. You’re not pulling my legs, are you. You really think this happened?”

“It really did happen. I know it seems impossible, and I’ve not told anyone about it until now, but it’s getting harder to keep it secret as junior grows.”

“So I’m the first one you’ve told. You must tell me everything, every delicious detail. It’s not every day one of my friends gets nailed by a man from outer space, except Zoe, and that didn’t count because her alien lover was really Martin in fancy dress, and his dick isn’t much to get excited about, is it.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“I forget you don’t get around much. Anyway start at the beginning, where did you first see this new man?”

“It was in my room. I was lying in bed, sort of half asleep, you know. I think I’d been asleep and then I was awake a bit when I sensed a presence in the room.”

“It wasn’t Tiddles.”

“Mister Cuddle-Bunch was curled in his nest by the side of my bed. He usually sleeps there at night. Anyhow this wasn’t a furry feeling, more a spooky ghostly sort of presence. One where you feel your hair stick out against your skin and you want to pull the covers tight against you.”

“Did you?”

“I did and I looked around the room as best I could to see what was there.”

“And did you see anything?”

“It was dark, but the glow of the clock was light enough to make out some people standing at the end of my bed.”

“People! More than one?”

“I couldn’t work out how many then, but there were a few. They were all looking at me and then one spoke. Do not be afraid. We mean you no harm.”

“The voice all alien like?”

“It sounded like an alien from a 50’s era B-grade movie, complete with static scratches. I was actually waiting for it to ask me to take me to our leader, but instead it said - We seek cooperation between our planets.”

“Were you frightened?”

“Oh… Only a little. I was still half asleep, and they didn’t look particularly frightening, and part of me was thinking it was a silly college prank. You know. All dressed up and looking for trouble.”

“But they had you lying in bed!”

“But some of those pranks get like that.”

“Yeah. Like you would know.”

“The voice said more.”

“And you loved every moment of it I guessed.”

“Our mission is to understand other sentient life forms. Do you agree to help us?”

“And you said no.”

“Not exactly. I was interested, like what if it wasn’t a prank. What if I was the one to communicate with an ET?”

“Oh Cathie!”


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